Coping With Back to School

This time last year I was preparing to put my oldest on a school bus for the first time. He had never ridden a bus before. He was starting kindergarten. I was a ball of emotions. I was worried about everything imaginable. How he would like school, how he would do on the bus, etc. 

This year is different. 

This year I’m emotional for very different reasons. I don’t get to put my son on the bus. 

The reality is, there’s parts of divorce that no one ever talks about. Parents missing out. Split custody. Shared custody. Whatever the case may be. I’ve shared briefly here that my ex has primary physical custody of the kids (for now). We also live an hour away from each other. The distance makes it difficult to be there for a lot of activities especially when I work full time. 

Being an hour away is why I can’t put him on the bus. When you have an hourly job and you go in late without paid time off, that cuts into bills you have to pay. I’m conflicted. My company would allow me to see him onto the bus and go in late, but then I’d be missing on hours. See where I'm torn? Gotta work to pay bills, but then you miss out on things. 

Yesterday I went to my son’s open house. I got to meet his new teacher. I saw his classroom. I made sure everyone at the school had my contact information. He was extremely excited, and I am excited for him. I hid my sadness well. Sadness because I never thought there’d be a day in his life that I wasn’t there on his first day. Honestly, I’m tearing up about it. I cried about it Monday night talking with my boyfriend. 

So how do you deal with this? How do you cope? 

Remind yourself there are worse things to miss out on. 

There's going to be more first days of school. He's only in first grade. It's not like I'm missing his high school graduation. I'm not missing a major award. Would I prefer to be there? Absolutely? Is it something to get broken up about? Probably not. But if we're being completely honest, I did get broken up about it. He's my baby. I get upset about everything that I miss. I just have to remember that this isn't the worst thing to miss in his life. 

Talk everyday. 

I call my kids every night. I ask what their favorite thing about their day was. What they did, who they played with. Everything. Some nights they're more talkative than others, but they're also 3 and 6 so conversations may be limited. With Zander going back to school, I can ask him about the bus ride, his new teacher. The main thing is that they (both) know that no matter what... no matter how far away I am... that I care more than anything in the world. 

Honestly, I felt like there'd be more to it than that.... but that sums it up. Really, just celebrate the little things. I make sure he knows how proud I am of him daily. How proud I am of both kids. They know how much I love them. They know I'm there for the big stuff. And really, that's all that matters. Like I said, yes... it sucks. But this too shall pass. 

Have you ever dealt with split custody? How did you cope with missing out on accomplishments and milestones? 

Check out This Month's Daddy Llama

First Day of School!

Yesterday was the first day of school (Pre-K)... An accurate start to the morning went something like this from Zander to me:

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...and when I realized what day it was:

Honestly I am happy. Zander is excited about school, and he's been looking forward to this for MONTHS. But at the same time, I'm getting so teary eyed writing this. My baby is officially in PRESCHOOL!

How is it possible that he went from this:

 to this?

He also almost forgot to say good-bye to us.
With his school, we just have to drop him off and his teachers will take them out of the car and walk them into the class. Each car has a yellow name tag that the teachers made so they know which kid goes with which car. Zander didn't even look back when he got out of the car.

I promise I only teared up a little bit after he went into the school. I was worried about Ainsley being without brother all day, but of course she did wonderfully and when the sitter picked him up from school she said Ainsley was so excited to see brother. I'm glad that they're so close, but it's also good to know that Ainsley can cope without him around all day.

His teachers said he did wonderfully and everyone loves him. (duh, no surprise there!) Zander said his favorite part was playing outside on the playground. Again, no surprise since he literally would be outside all day if we let him! I'd say pre-k is a complete success! 

And I didn't even call the school while he was there to check on him!

Where Has the Time Gone?

I'd like to take a moment to have a mini heart attack, so please excuse me while I panic about how quickly time is passing.



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In approximately three weeks my oldest will be starting school. Well, he'll be starting Pre-K but it counts because he'll be going for a full day. August 11 is the first day of school. August 8 we have open house to meet his new teacher and find out what all he'll need to bring to school. Before I go on... I know what y'all are thinking: "Aug 11? Whoa! That's early to start school!" Yes it is... Georgia starts school very early, but we also get out of school early as well. I think summer started May 28 or somewhere close to there. So yeah, early in/ early out. That's how it has been for as long as I can remember. I'm pretty sure I've never started school in September, but I digress.

Zander is unbelieveably excited about starting school. For the longest time he would ask every single day, "is today when I go to school?" For awhile my answer would be "when the leaves fall off the trees" because at 4 years old, you don't exactly know what the seasons are yet and saying "in the fall" wasn't a good enough answer.
I eventually got smart and found a way to let him know exactly how long he had... PAPER CHAINS! Seriously, y'all if you have kids- best idea ever! He's starting to grasp a sense of time and days of the week and that sort of thing, but in order to count down to something, I seriously suggest paper chains. This is what we did for our last vacation as well.




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So now we're down to just one chain (we started with two giant ones). He keeps reminding me everyday that at the end of the chain he gets to go to school. That's right, kid keep reminding me how fast you're growing up. *tear*
I have a feeling the first day won't be so bad because he's so ready. I think if he were to cry and cling to me the day we drop him off it might be harder, but of course we won't know for sure until that day actually comes.
Until then, Time, please slow down! My baby is only little for so long...