Starting Over After Divorce

It's no secret, any sort of life altering change can leave a person feeling completely turned around. Lost even. Unsure how to start over. Unsure where to go next.

Let me be the first to tell you, starting over is sometimes the greatest thing ever.

It's no secret that my "do-over" has been a result of divorce. I celebrate that the divorce actually happened. I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, but I'm finally getting back into my groove. Or trying to at least. It's taken a lot of figuring out, and this may not work for everyone... but then again, hopefully not everyone is getting divorced this year.

Find out who you are.
Whoa. Did I ever need this one. This is the first time ever, in my whole life that I have lived alone. I've always had either my parents, my ex, or roommates. Now it's just me. I've had to really think about if the shows I used to watch with my ex were really my favorite shows. Do I really like to listen to a certain type of music, or was it just because I couldn't have my own opinion? For me, I learned I really do love to knit. There were shows and movies I had never seen before that I have fallen in love with.

I've found a new love for the library. Did you know you can check out entire seasons of shows at the library and binge for a whole week on things you haven't seen before? Yeah! I'm finally starting to adjust to living alone. (And no, there are no cats involved.) Yet.

Find out who your friends are. 
This may be in the form of a nice bottle of moscatto... whatever, no judgment here... But seriously though,
This may seem a little silly, but for me it really hit hard. Some of the people you had as mutual friends in the marriage turn out to not really be your friends. You need people who will raise you up, and, like in my case want to send hate mail to your ex. Do not be afraid to talk about how you're feeling with your friends.

I can't tell you how many times I texted Amanda and my boyfriend how insecure I have felt about everything. (Am I the common denominator about everything bad happening?) Turns out, no, I'm not... my ex is just toxic and that kind of thinking is a result of a toxic relationship. (Have some more wine). Talking about anything with your friends throughout the day can make you feel more normal than you realize. I'm thankful that my little circle has kept me so grounded. (To my blogging tribe, I'm so sorry I have been so distant.)

Real friends will be the ones to encourage you to get back into your old routines that they knew you were a constant in your life no matter the situation. Cooking for yourself, working out, etc.

however...

Old Routines may take time. 
Once I moved into my own place, I didn't want to cook for a long time. I would rely on leftovers from when I would cook or I would just eat out. Don't feel like you really need to rush anything. I haven't worked out in MONTHS. I just now got back into it, and it took me not being able to fit into my bridesmaid dress (for my sister's wedding in Oct) that I have to get back into it. I tried a few times but my heart wasn't in it. I just wanted to sit and watch TV. (Hi, not a great idea when you're eating out and not cooking every night)

Don't beat yourself up about not getting back into old routines immediately though. This goes back to figuring out who you are. I cried about cooking for myself some nights because it was just ME. I cried about not having anyone to serve a dinner for. My solution? I invite friends over. I cook for friends. Mostly my Marcus, but a friend is better than just alone.

Just Don't beat yourself up. (Period). 
This may be the silliest advice, but I swear it really is the truth. This is the new reality. You have your own place (saying to myself). All beating yourself up does is make you feel worse about everything. It brings you down. Find something positive about the day and grasp onto it. I promise, it helps. It may be hard to find in the first few months, but it does help! Smile, it helps.

Keep moving forward. 
This isn't the end of the world. A new chapter, a change, a new life event. It's not the end of everything. It's a chance to grow and adapt and change. Drink that bottle of wine. Sing karaoke. Dance in the rain with your kids. Do what makes you happy, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for it.

Oh... and get you an amazing boyfriend that will randomly send you a "cheer up" package that includes your favorite things... including amazing prints such as this.

I kind of love the face that he knew nothing about blogging before having me in his life and now, I'm officially his llama.

What major life change have you bounced back from? How did you adapt? What advice would you share?

Check out This Month's Daddy Llama

Blogging Without Internets

Ok... So... Wow. Getting back into this thing has been harder than I realized. I'm all moved into my new place. I totally don't have internet though, so I'm writing this at my local starbucks. Hence the name of this post. Yep. I'm one of THOSE people. It's strange being alone. Like, really strange. But things are slowly falling into place. I love it, and it's all mine, and that's all that matters.

I still have so much to say. So much to explain. But I kind of feel like since it's been SO long since I've been around here, I'm just going to fill you in with a currently.

Currently With the Llama... 

|| Listening to: Say it Ain't So, Weezer. I'm listening to pandora while at starbucks because the music over the loud speakers is kind of annoying. Thanks to my Twenty One Pilots radio, I have enjoyable music. This particular song makes me smile a lot. Pandora is random but every now and then they really do a stellar job in throwing out songs that put me in a good mood.

|| Eating: not much lately. I know... I'm horrible. I have food for the kids at the apartment, but my diet has really gone down hill. I need to figure out a better routine for me.

|| Drinking: Venti Java Chip Frap. because, star bucks. If I'm not getting a white chocolate peppermint mocha, this is what I'm getting. It's nice out here today, so this is perfect.

|| Feeling: alll the feels. In one way I'm excited. I went public on social media about a relationship I'm in. It's someone I've known for ten years, and it's absolutely one of those things that "just sort of happened". Neither of us planned it, but both of us are glad things happened the way they did.

|| Needing: More sleep. Y'all. I kid you not, if you saw my Jawbone sleep patterns, you would want to shake me. I have been going to bed after midnight and waking up after 6. Some nights I only get 4 hours of sleep. It's bad. Part of it is trying to get used to sleeping alone in a new place.

|| Thinking: about Friday morning. This week I'm going to the social security administration to get my name changed back to Hardin. If you follow me on snapchat, you probably saw the #HelloHardin. I'm not gonna lie, this has been one thing I'm super excited about that has come from this divorce. I feel like it's a way for me to really get closure that this divorce is really real. Now if someone could just tell my ex that he doesn't need to try and call and text ALL the time anymore. Help.

|| Enjoying: My new design. Seriously, y'all Amanda is just the BEST. We talked about upgrading the look of my blog, and she really did the best job. I feel like it looks more grown up.

|| Looking Forward To: This weekend. It's a kid free weekend. Which I hate. But a co worker of mine is throwing a viewing party for the new season of Kimmie Schmidt! I'm obsessed with that show, I cannot wait for the new season. I'm glad I have friends in my life with internets and netflix that I can bum off of. I'm gonna have to get permissions to blog about this party though, because her food ideas and the whole party is just going to be too cute.

So... in a nut shell that's what's going on.
If anyone wants to fly into Atlanta to help decorate my new place, please feel free. What's going on with y'all currently? I haven't been around to actually reading other blogs yet. Baby steps.

Check out This Month's Daddy Llama

Q & A

So, as many of y'all saw earlier this week, yes I am back. and I'm trying to write a little more regularly. I have a lot on my mind and trying to figure out where to start has been a bit difficult. While the divorce is completely finalized, and I'm beyond thrilled about it, I'm still getting lots of questions. I figured the best place to start (aside from letting y'all know that I'm here) is to answer a few questions I keep getting.

How are you? 
Honestly, this answer changes daily. Mostly I'm good. Like I said, I'm excited that the divorce is final. I can finally move on and start a happier life for the kids and myself. However, there's definitely days where it's hard. (I just have a lot of feelings, okay?) I'm going through a lot of emotions about the fact that I'm about to be on my own for the first time, EVER. I went from living with my mom, to living with Josh, to living with my grandparents. Hi, I'm 28 and never lived alone. On top of emotions about not having primary physical custody of my children. Which leads me into the next question...

Why don't you have the kids?
This is super hard for me. As a mother, it breaks my heart daily that I don't have them with me. I give myself a hard time a lot about being a bad mother. Honestly though, I don't know a single mother out there that doesn't give herself a hard time. But for a JUDGE to tell you "you don't get primary physical custody of YOUR children"... that is basically the equivalent of having your heart ripped out, crushed, and then set on fire.
Long story short, the judge in our case decided that due to my lack of "my own place" and the fact that I've only been at my job since January, I was "unstable". Additionally, I was the one causing Josh's bi polar breaks. With all of that combined (I was not Captain Planet), he got primary custody. And I get every other weekend. Yeah, it sucks. I can refile for custody in a few weeks and I plan to. Until then, I have to trudge on and just make the time I have with them the best possible.

How are the kids?
With all things considered, they are wonderful! Zander is thriving in school and getting nothing but good progress reports. Ainsley is really blooming with her speech. They both had birthdays recently. I officially have a three year old and a six year old. There have been a few bumps in the road. Like Ainsley asking me one weekend, "Mommy why you no love us anymore?"... yeah, that one hurt. But after a lot of hugs and kisses and a long talk, that's past us. Overall though, the kids are amazing and that's all anyone needs to know

I'm sure there was more, but I really can't think of it. The struggle of not planning my posts. Sorry, y'all...

Was there anything that y'all wanted to know? Please ask me. I'm not shy, and I'd rather y'all ask than assume anything. Even if it's "why did you move to your grandparents'?"