Blogging Without Internets

Ok... So... Wow. Getting back into this thing has been harder than I realized. I'm all moved into my new place. I totally don't have internet though, so I'm writing this at my local starbucks. Hence the name of this post. Yep. I'm one of THOSE people. It's strange being alone. Like, really strange. But things are slowly falling into place. I love it, and it's all mine, and that's all that matters.

I still have so much to say. So much to explain. But I kind of feel like since it's been SO long since I've been around here, I'm just going to fill you in with a currently.

Currently With the Llama... 

|| Listening to: Say it Ain't So, Weezer. I'm listening to pandora while at starbucks because the music over the loud speakers is kind of annoying. Thanks to my Twenty One Pilots radio, I have enjoyable music. This particular song makes me smile a lot. Pandora is random but every now and then they really do a stellar job in throwing out songs that put me in a good mood.

|| Eating: not much lately. I know... I'm horrible. I have food for the kids at the apartment, but my diet has really gone down hill. I need to figure out a better routine for me.

|| Drinking: Venti Java Chip Frap. because, star bucks. If I'm not getting a white chocolate peppermint mocha, this is what I'm getting. It's nice out here today, so this is perfect.

|| Feeling: alll the feels. In one way I'm excited. I went public on social media about a relationship I'm in. It's someone I've known for ten years, and it's absolutely one of those things that "just sort of happened". Neither of us planned it, but both of us are glad things happened the way they did.

|| Needing: More sleep. Y'all. I kid you not, if you saw my Jawbone sleep patterns, you would want to shake me. I have been going to bed after midnight and waking up after 6. Some nights I only get 4 hours of sleep. It's bad. Part of it is trying to get used to sleeping alone in a new place.

|| Thinking: about Friday morning. This week I'm going to the social security administration to get my name changed back to Hardin. If you follow me on snapchat, you probably saw the #HelloHardin. I'm not gonna lie, this has been one thing I'm super excited about that has come from this divorce. I feel like it's a way for me to really get closure that this divorce is really real. Now if someone could just tell my ex that he doesn't need to try and call and text ALL the time anymore. Help.

|| Enjoying: My new design. Seriously, y'all Amanda is just the BEST. We talked about upgrading the look of my blog, and she really did the best job. I feel like it looks more grown up.

|| Looking Forward To: This weekend. It's a kid free weekend. Which I hate. But a co worker of mine is throwing a viewing party for the new season of Kimmie Schmidt! I'm obsessed with that show, I cannot wait for the new season. I'm glad I have friends in my life with internets and netflix that I can bum off of. I'm gonna have to get permissions to blog about this party though, because her food ideas and the whole party is just going to be too cute.

So... in a nut shell that's what's going on.
If anyone wants to fly into Atlanta to help decorate my new place, please feel free. What's going on with y'all currently? I haven't been around to actually reading other blogs yet. Baby steps.

Check out This Month's Daddy Llama

A New Beginning

Ok. So. Wow. I kind of wish someone could get a picture of me right now. I'm literally sitting on the bed at my grandparents' house in the basement. With my fingers hovering over the keyboard. I have no idea where to start, y'all.

Um so. I guess, I'm back. Or I'm trying to be. I have no idea if I still have any loyal readers anymore or not, but I kind of don't care. I really don't know what my blog will be focused on anymore, but I just know I want to get back into it. Thanks to Amanda for sending me her old friend, Mabel (hi, my macbook has a name!) so I have a laptop once again.

A quick update... My divorce is final. As of this past Monday, March 14. There's still some things I would like to get worked out, and some things I really don't agree with. Like him having primary physical custody of the kids. I hate it.
For now, just know I'm okay. I will be moving soon. I will update with that new adventure.

Since my last blog post, I have started a new job. I've been at this job since January of this year. I absolutely love it here. The people I work with are amazing. Just no blogging at work. ;)

I guess this post really has no point. My mind is still all over the place. Just know, for now, that things are OK. I'm still working through some things, and I'm really sorry for falling off of the face of the earth. I'm a bad Llama.

Reboot

Do you ever feel like sometimes in life, you just want to CTRL, ALT, DEL everything? Like you feel like you keep getting knocked down, and can't catch your breath? You're stuck under a tidal wave and keep getting pushed to the ocean floor? Ok. You get the idea. This entire year has kind of felt like that for me. I felt like I couldn't recover. And then, an unexpected reboot (of sorts) happened.

I don't imagine many people will be reading this. I've taken an unplanned blogging break for the past two months. I kind of wanted to keep this private, but at the same time, I realize the support of the blogging community is unlike any other. So. *deep breaths*

I never planned on this happening. Like. I almost can't bring myself to type these words. But. It's reality.

I have filed for divorce.

I kind of feel like this whole year has been a build up to it. I'm not telling everyone for pity. I'm not bragging. I don't want any sympathy. The fact of the matter is, there was no turning back from this.
I know what some of y'all might be thinking, "there's always a way". Believe me. I have expressed all options. I've tried to fix this. There comes a point where if you're the only one trying and fighting, you start to realize "what's the point".

I'm not trying to justify anything. This is kind of a blanket "hey, this is what's going on in my life!" This year has been full of ups and downs.
Of course, this also means that I AM trying to find a job.

So the title for this post is the only way I can really sum up my life right now. I'm going through a reboot. I'm figuring out how to be a <single> mom. Figuring out how to live alone. We are separated. I've never actually lived alone, so this is a new thing for me. It's new for the kids. It's just a process.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not pulling away from y'all on purpose. I'm trying to really figure out who I am. What I like. I've lived with my parents my whole life and then went from that to immediately living with Josh. Bear with me through this process, y'all. I promise I'm not going off the grid like I did in January. And I promise I'm trying to get better at blogging. This includes getting back to reading and commenting regularly. Even if I don't post anything.

I love you all. I love my tribe. Thank you all for the support.