I'm Healthy. I Promise...

Working out... we all know it's important to maintain a healthy body, right? Right. What about after you have kids? Uh, yes! Even more important to work out. You want to get your pre-baby body back, and you want your kids to follow in your footsteps to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Staying healthy isn't only limited to working out though. It's eating right too.

Maintaining A Healthy Lifestyle... With Kids!

Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All

Moms everywhere know this is probably the hardest thing in the world. Y'all probably use the same excuses that I do, "I'm too tired", "I'll walk that doughnut off after the kids are in bed", "One extra slice of pizza won't hurt anything". Next thing you know, you're wondering how the hell your jeans don't fit anymore.

Life tends to get in the way. We all know this. The first half of this year I went to the gym 6 out 7 days of the week. I lost a TON of my baby weight from having Ainsley. Then in June, I lost my job and couldn't justify the cost of having a gym membership. Since then it's been SUPER hard doing anything to work out. I'm one of those people that pretty much has to get out of the house in order to do some sort of cardio. I say I'll do the workout DVD's but I always ALWAYS end up watching TV with Josh, flat on my bum. However, I've managed to at least maintain the weight I've lost, and knock on wood, not gain anymore.

I contribute this to watching the way we eat at home. I cook all of our dinners. Sure we have the occasional pizza delivered, or the rare Chinese take out, but for the most part I cook. Yes, I have to hide veggies from the kids in order to get them to eat them, but dang it they eat them!

I'm very lucky that my kids prefer to play outside. This helps with my maintaining my weight as well. We're a household that's a firm believer in playing in the dirt! When we're outside, I encourage the kids to dig in the dirt. I offer them to look at the bugs. We take nature walks. We stay active as a family, and I know this is teaching the kids healthy habits. Sure we have candy and treats in the house, but the kids know "only in moderation"... well, maybe not the big word, but they know they're not having treats all day long. If Zander really wants something sweet, I cut up apples and let him dip them in peanut butter. Such a yummy snack!

This is the last week for the Mamas Tell All linkup (insert sadface here!), and per my norm:
 I'm linking up with Anne for Wednesday Wishes as well.

This week, I wish I have the will power and strength to get back into my workout routine. I know I need to, I just need the extra push. I wish my husband gives me the encouragement I need to continue working out. I wish my kids continue to grow with a healthy mentality and continue to love playing outside. I wish other moms out there encouragement to maintain their healthy lifestyles as well!

AND!!! Don't forget! Next Wednesday starts the Monthly Musings linkup with me and Lora! The theme this month is what we're Thankful for for this month. Each month will have a different theme. The idea is to focus on the better parts of our lives! We can't wait to see what everyone is Thankful for!

All About the Money, Money + An Announcement!

Money. Ugh, what a sensitive topic. If you're newlyweds, established in your marriage, or just engaged, the "money talk" is never easy. However, it is important. Especially when kids are involved. Suddenly, it's not just you and your spouse that you have to think about. With kids there's schools to consider, neighborhoods you should live in, and of course the desire that they should never want for anything.

Planning For The Future. What Are We Doing??

Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All



Josh and I were (thankfully) smart enough to have the money talk early on in our relationship. That doesn't always mean we did what we were supposed to. Sadly we had to learn the hard way when it came to money.

We met eight years ago (almost 9 years ago). Most of my regular readers know I'll be 27 this year, so doing the math we were young. We still are young. The good news is we're not learning these hard lessons now rather than earlier in the relationship. We both maxed out credit cards and didn't know how to balance a check book when we first started dating. Clearly that was a recipe for disaster. During that time Josh even had one of his tax returns go completely to a student loan because they wanted it paid off ASAP. Obviously we weren't saving a lot during that time.

Fast forward to 2009 (three years being together) we knew we had to get serious about saving. After Josh's student loan got paid off we started working to pay off other debts. We still have a little way to go in that area, but we're much better off than we were when we started. In 2009 was when we found out Zander would be joining the family early 2010. I opted to sign up for my company's 401k program. Since signing  up for 401k I've had to roll it into different accounts because I've had a few job changes, but I've always kept it active. And we DON'T touch it!

In 2011 we started actively contributing to our savings accounts with our banks. Believe it or not, a little savings each week goes a long way.
2013: Josh's company finally started offering benefits, including 401k. He opened one as well. He also has a life insurance plan through his job. It's been a long, slow, drawn out process but we're getting there. We know the importance of saving now. Especially with kids. We want our kids to be able to go to good colleges, and good colleges aren't cheap. Of course, if they don't want to go to college that's their choice... and that's another topic. (We want them to go to college).

I hope I don't come off as some sort of savings expert. I'm not. Josh and I are still learning. We're still a new couple. (We're still less than 10 years into this, y'all...we're new) haha. All I know is what works for our family. I definitely suggest all couples... with kids or without... have the money talk. Money is a serious subject. It takes both parties in order to really save in a marriage.

Linking up with Anne for Wednesday Wishes

My Wish for today is that everyone reading this takes heart if they're not already saving. I wish that you're able to get a savings plan in order and get things figured out. Work out what's best for you and your family. It takes time. I wish everyone be able to realize when they need to start saving. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

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Mama's Personal Time

Moms, let's get real today. We all know personal time is important. Before kids you absolutely took the personal time and went out for a massage, or that mani / pedi, or to a wine tasting, right? So why is it so different once the kids come? 

Making time for Mama - How do you find time to relax and treat yourself?

Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All



The thing is, it is different when the kids come. It's only different in a bad way if you don't take time for you.

I get it. Moms are nurturers. Not only do we want to take care of the kids, we want to make sure the entire house is running in tip top condition. Um, hi I'm Melissa and I'm guilty of this. I'm what you might call a control freak when it comes to matters of the house. I'm sure there's a lot of moms out there like that. Heck, I'm sure most women in general are like that. However, for me it prevents me from letting go and taking that break I need.

I admitted awhile ago that I don't always take the time I need deserve. I know I do deserve it, I'm just the world's worst about letting go. This is something I'm working to get better on. It's helped that all of my wonderful bloggy friends remind me to take a break and take time for myself. Especially since publishing that post about me being tired all the time.

What I do to relax now is simple.
+ After the kids are in bed, I go in my room to read a few chapters of a book.
+ Instead of stressing about the mess in the kitchen, the kids and I will take a quiet walk around the block
+ I'll take a long hot shower and just stand under the hot water clearing my head. (Seriously though, who doesn't love doing that?) Plus, alone
+ I go on coffee dates with my girlfriends to chat about the kids, the husbands, etc.

Like I said though... it's still a work in progess. Hey, at least I've admitted that I have a problem taking time for myself, right? Topics like this make me realize it even more. The good news is, this weekend coming up I'll be going to the Atlanta Blogger Network meetup. A real chance to get away from the husband and kids and interact with the blogging community! SO EXCITED!
Also, this past weekend I was able to get a small nap in. That rarely happens anymore.

In true Melissa fashion
I'm linking up with Anne from Love The Here and Now for Wednesday Wishes as well.

My wish this week is that I'm able to learn to let go more. I wish being able to relax comes more naturally to me. I know it'll take time. After all, it's taken almost 27 years for me to get the way I am now! Ha! I wish that other moms out there are able to take the time they need to relax. I wish new moms learn early to take time for themselves. Yes, babies grow quickly, but I don't wish anyone to become so wound up that they break.

What do y'all do to relax? Any tips for me? haha!

Never Would I Ever...

Did Y'all ever play that drinking game, "never have I ever". Whatever the person says they "never" did, if you did it you'd have to drink? Yes? No? I know Amanda has played it because I've played it with her. Motherhood can be a bit like this drinking game. You get pregnant, and you immediately start imagining how you're going to be like when you're a parent. "My kid will never watch TV while I cook." Then the next thing you know, you're the mom taking a swig of your adult beverage because your kid totally watches TV while you cook. [raises hand] been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt.

Never Would I Ever... Until I did...

Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All



I was totally "that" mom. The mom that swore to all of her friends and family the things her children would NEVER do; or the things I would never do as a mom.
Yeeeaaaahhhh.... all of that pretty much flew out the window as soon as I was home from the hospital.

Feb 2014 / see? They're fine.

"My kids will never have a pacifier". They did take a pacifier. Zander stopped using his at 13 months, and Ainsley stopped using hers at 19 months. (so, a week ago!) haha. Let's face it. Sometimes babies just want to suck on something. You know they're not hungry. You know they're really ok. Sometimes sucking on that pacifier is the only thing to calm them down because 1) they haven't figured out their fingers work just as well, 2) you're bottle feeding and they can't keep a bottle in their mouth ALL day long, or 3) you're breastfeeding and you really don't want the baby comfort sucking on your boob ALL day long! (Uh *raises hand*, right here on that one, y'all!)

"Watch T.V. before they were two". Wrong again. Especially with Ainsley. Zander saw his first cartoon at 18 months. Thanks, Uncle Mike for babysitting. haha. But seriously, I was a real bitch about this one for no reason at all. Sure, you don't want to let your kids watch too much t.v., but there are just some moments when you need to finish the dishes or run the mop or whatever, and you just can't do it when the kids are dying for your attention. Ainsley got to watch t.v. at a real young age. I wasn't about to hide her from the cartoons if Zander got to watch them. PBS Kids actually has some really educational shows now-a-days, y'all. I admit to getting sucked into Super Why! when the kids have left the room. Guilty.

"I'll never let my kids go to bed with a bottle". Seriously though, y'all... moms have to sleep right? When both of my kids got to the age where they were waking for milk and they could hold a bottle - you better believe I changed their diapers, gave them a bottle and went right back to bed. Zander had it way more than Ainsley. He even went into toddlerhood with sippy cups in bed. Some kids require more to get to sleep. It just happens. And guess what? He's been to the dentist four times now for cleanings (twice last year and twice this year) and not once did the dentist say he had a problem with his teeth from "bottle rot". He's fine. Ainsley is fine. Trust your guts, moms.

     And just a few things I do that some moms don't agree with all the time:
I'm not a helicopter mom. I don't hover over the kids. I let them play how they want to play. If this means they fall, so be it. **In relation to this, Ainsley totally fell about 6 ft while we were at the playground this past weekend. She didn't even cry... because...

I don't make a fuss over falls and scrapes. Sure, I make sure the kids are OK, but if nothing is broken and they're physically OK I make sure they see that they're OK on my face. If I were to freak out over every little thing, then if something as small as tripping over a rug were to happen the kids would make a big deal about it. Parenting is all about acting, y'all.

I parent my own way. I do what feels right. Did I go into parenting thinking I'd be doing this differently? Absolutely. Do I regret changing my mind about what I thought I'd do? Not at all. Raising my kids the way Josh and I want to is the best decision we could've ever made.

linking up with Anne for Wednesday Wishes as well

I wish new parents all the courage and strength to just go with their gut. Don't do something when it comes to parenting if it doesn't feel right to you. I wish for all of the moms reading this week's Mama Tells All prompt gives them some sort of relief that what they're doing is OK if they're having doubts about it.



Being A Working Mom

Working mom or stay at home mom? I'm sure all moms can agree that both jobs are equally tough. I like to think that both types of moms tend to envy the other? I admit that I do. I totally wish I was a stay at home mom to be able to spend time with my kids. But you know what? When I was out of work, I really missed being in an office interacting with adults. Jenny from Dancin' With A Dolly made a really valid point last week when she wrote about ending the mommy wars.  Just take a moment to read that little gem!

So how do I make the role of "working mom" work for my family?

 

Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All



I can tell you right now, it's not easy being a working mom. Let me go ahead and say while we're here though: I am NOT saying that stay at home moms have it easy! I know their job is just as tough!

I've been a working mom ever since Zander was born. At the time, Josh wasn't making nearly enough for us to justify being a one income family. I started my maternity leave the day before Zander was born (he was induced a day before my due date) and I went back to work after I got the OK from my doctor at the 6 week checkup. My brother in law watched Zander for 18 months before he went to work himself. Talk about a huge saving that was!

With Ainsley it was the same way. I worked until she was born. Had 6 weeks of maternity leave, then back to work once I got the "all clear".

For us we've never really had to "make it work". It's just been our norm. Sure some days are stressful. Like if a kid gets sick. Then we usually turn to the "who has more paid days available to use?" when figuring out who gets to stay home with the sickly one.

The hardest part for me being a working mom is being away from my kids. You miss a lot of "firsts" when you're not with the kids all day long. However, the way I look at it to keep myself from getting down about it is reminding myself that yes it was a "first" when they did (fill in the blank for first), but when I see it for the first time, it's a first for me.

The best part about being a working mom? Sure the extra income is a bonus. But I love to see my kids' faces when I pick them up from school and daycare. They're always so excited to see me; When Zander gets called to come to the lobby for pick up he's always smiling, and when Ainsley sees me come through the door, she yells "MOMMMYYYYYY!!!!" and runs to me SO happy. It's the best.

So yeah... I'm a working mom. But it's what I'm used to. It's what works for our family because it's the "norm" for us. Honestly, my kids think it's strange when I'm not at work during the week. They've gotten used to this as the norm as well. It's all about finding balances. You know your own family, and you know your situation. I'm definitely not about to try and convince a stay at home mom that she NEEDS to work. She's a stay at home mom for a reason, just like I'm a working mom for a reason.

I was a day late for the link up this week, but I still wanted to participate because I love the hosts!
Did you enter our giveaway yet? It's still live! You still have a chance to win NINETEEN ad spots AND $25 paypal cash!

Sleep Regression... Oh, It's a Thing!

Understatement of the century: Motherhood isn't easy. Am I right, moms? But with the bad days there are some pretty amazing days that follow.

What were your crappiest and happiest days of motherhood?

Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All



For me, this was kind of a tough topic to tackle. I'm a relatively new mom. At least I consider myself to be a new mom (yes, still). Zander will be five in February and Ainsley will be two in January. Yes, I've had both crappy and happy days but I can almost guarantee that some of the more (how should we say?) Advanced? yeah... advanced moms would probably say my crappy days are a walk in the park. But my crappiest? That I don't know.

Let's travel back in time, shall we? Ainsley was born Jan. 26, 2013 and from the day we brought her home, I immediately knew she would be a much better sleeper than Zander. From day 1, Zander would sleep 2-3 hours at a time no matter what. Ainsley on the other hand, she started off sleeping 5-6 hours at a time. WHAT? I thought the 2-3 hours was the norm! There's no way my sweet newborn baby girl was already sleeping 6 hours IN A ROW! But, it was true and she definitely did. For FOUR MONTHS STRAIGHT. Oh, y'all I was in heaven. Stuff was getting done around the house, I had showers at night, I wore makeup! (I know, it shocked me too).... and then the "four month sleep regression" hit.
Josh and I lovingly refer to this phase of Ainsley's life as The Great Parent Test of 2013. It was like a light bulb was switched on May 29th of that year because that's when she went from sleeping 6 hours in a row to sleeping 4 hours in one night... broken.

 Broken sleep is crappy. Angry babies that have had little sleep and refuse to nap are crappy. New moms: don't ever say no one warned you because here's your warning today. Having to work a full time job, take care of two kids, maintain a healthy marriage, and find time for myself ALL on 4 hours of broken sleep. You can probably guess that I wasn't a pleasant person in this time of Ainsley's life. The worst part was it lasted for five months straight.

The good news is, this phase of her life ended. There's always a silver lining to crappy mommy moments. I have plenty of happy mommy moments. Every single day. When my kids stop playing to say "Mommy, hug!" or Ainsley randomly wants kisses. It just melts my heart.

My Wednesday Wish today (with Anne!) is for all moms, especially new moms to be able to see there is a silver lining to crappy mommy days. There may be a day when your kid(s) test you patience and really push your buttons, but I promise they're attitude will change in the blink of an eye and before you realize they'll be cuddling with you. I wish moms out there to cherish the happy mommy moments. Put down the phone / ipad / laptop / whatever and go lay on the porch to count the stars. (We did this last night! SO FUN!) I certainly don't wish sleepless nights on anyone! I'm so thankful for being past that phase.

We Are Family!

Family sizes are so interesting to me. Some people (like me) have the standard cookie cutter family. We have the wife, the husband, the older son and the younger daughter. Then there are others that have five (or more) kids with the massive house, mini van, and a potential personal soft ball team.

How did we decide how big our family would be?
Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All



Honestly, it wasn't really something that Josh and I talked about when we first got married. Not extensively anyway. We both knew we wanted kids. We both come from massive families. Actually, let's go down that road for a minute...
Josh is the third child of eight kids (yes, 8). We always thought he was the third of 7, and then early this year we found out there was SURPRISE you have a sister and she's three months younger than you. Yeah... that happened. Sorry, back on track. So third of 8. In those eight the oldest 5 have at least two kids each. His dad is the oldest of 4, and his mom is the 2nd of 4... So the Camacho's are many!
I am the oldest of four. I'm the only one with kids on my dad's side of the family out of my cousins but I have a lot of cousins. My dad is the 4th of 6 and my mom is the youngest of 7. So clearly, big families on both sides.

One of Josh's brothers is missing from the bottom picture

So how did we just end up with two? Well, we both like the thought of a big family. However, neither of us like the thought of the big family budget! Let's be honest here. As of right now, we only have one car. We're in a two bed room rental house. Kids are expensive. With two kids, everyone can fit comfortably in Josh's 4 door lincoln. (For now) a two bedroom house is big enough. Naturally when the kids get older they will need their own rooms, but we'll cross that path when the time comes. Zander just started pre-k so we're only paying daycare for Ainsley. If there was a #3 (or #4) thrown into this mix this is what would happen:

• We'd need a bigger car immediately
• We'd need a bigger house immediately
• I hate the idea of "middle" kids, so I would want to even it out with 4 kids.
• I would probably have to be a stay at home mom because the cost of multiple kids in daycare while I work full time just would't be worth it.

The thought of all this scares me. I really admire the parents that have big families. I know it's a lot of work, but it's also very rewarding. We haven't completely closed the door on expanding our family, but it's not a conversation we can have right now. Do I want more kids? Absolutely. Just not in the very near future. After we had Zander we knew we would want another one. We knew early on that Zander would be a good big brother. (and we were right!) He's very sweet and loving and genuinely cares about how others feel. He's very sensitive.  The thought of Ainsley as a big sister kind of scares me because she's a little spit fire pistol. She can be mean. #honesty.

Zander, being our first, was the baby that we were trying for but not really trying for. We were just having fun practicing. I didn't keep track of ovulation periods or anything like that, we just weren't using protection. With Ainsley I actually kept track of that and I knew very early on that I was pregnant with her!

As part of my Wednesday Wishes (love you, Anne!) I wish that we could have a big family, but I also wish our extended families would quit bugging us so much about it right now. I wish that grandparents (and aunts and uncles) would accept the fact that sometimes it's OK to have just two kids. (OR JUST ONE KID!) I wish people would understand that they don't need to be pressured into more kids. Especially if you can barely afford to feed your family as it is. It's YOUR decision. :)

How big is your family? How did you decide how big your family would be?

Picky, Picky

I think it's an unspoken rule of thumb for all moms out there that at some point we fight with picky eaters. It just comes with the territory. Well, no I shouldn't say that because there are children like my cousin's oldest daughter. She's three years old and she will literally eat anything you put in front of her. So obviously there are exceptions to every rule.

But what if you have a picky eater? How do you manage a balanced diet? 

Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All



Well, for starters I have to bring back one of my Blog Love Friday Favorites (from Meagan's link up) One blog I found from a mutual friend is Christina at The Mediocre Housewife. She's a professional blogger (you can see more stuff from her here), and a mom, and just such a wonderful writer. I love all of her stuff! A few weeks ago she wrote about Getting Toddlers to Eat. It hit me close to home because, well, my toddler (and preschooler) doesn't always like to eat. Christina compares getting toddlers to eat to Olympic events, and she's not wrong.

OK... so by now y'all are all rolling your eyes at me. I swear I have a point. Yes, getting picky eaters to eat nutritious food (or any food) can be like an Olympic event. So how do you handle it? Sorry, y'all but knee-jerk reactions of throwing a child-like temper tantrum doesn't count as a solution.
Patience. This is what works in our house. Patience and hidden fruits and vegetables. That's right, y'all I said it: I hide fruits and veggies in my kids diets. No, I don't buy the little fruit pouches to do so either. I buy frozen fruits and veggies and make smoothies. The kids (and I) have at least one smoothie a day to make sure we're all getting nutrients we need. I add spinach, and / or kale with fruit and you can't even taste it. Sure, it's green and gross looking but they love it! I also hide things like spinach in meatloaf. They never know the difference.

What about the patience thing though, Melissa? Good question. Obviously I can't feed my kids liquid 24/7. I do offer real meals in the house, and yes several of the real meals are met with looks of such disgust that you wonder if what you made is even edible. This is where your strength as a mom comes in real handy. The strength that allows you to sit on the opposite end of the table from your kids and give them the stare down with one look in your eye: "I will sit here all night if I have to". This would count as one of the Olympic events that gets an NBC highlight reel!
Eventually one of two things will happen:

1. The kids give up and finally start eating because they're so overly hungry. They finally realize that they won't get the gummy snacks that they really want. They know if they really want the bite of ice cream that Daddy has (because he ate all of his dinner) then they will have to eat, too. 
2. You lose your will power. You give up in the stare down and you compromise. ("OK, Zander, you can get up and go play but only if you eat all of your meatloaf and three big bites of green beans.") This way, the kid you still win because they eat enough to warrant some sort of nutrient but the kid thinks they win. Just be sure you don't let this option happen too often because then the kid thinks this is will happen all they time, and they will start bartering with you before dinner even starts. 

So that's a little of what happens in our house. I also add garlic to almost everything to try and give it a little flavor. How do you other moms approach picky eaters?
Because I love Anne so much and her Wednesday Wishes, I would like to send a wish  to the moms with picky eaters. I wish that this phase passes quickly for you and that you find some peace knowing that one day your children will love all of the foods that they probably hate right now. (Trust me, I didn't use to like rice and now I love it!)

Love, and Marriage, and Children

Marriage is hard. We all know this. Throw some kids in the mix? Then it gets, like, calculus hard. Yes... that was just said by me... on the blog... for the whole world to see. No judgement here, y'all.

So how do marriages stay alive even after kids? 
Linking up with Christine, Brittany, and Ashley for Mama Tells All



Well, it doesn't come easy that's for sure. For Josh and I it takes a lot of planning. Tomorrow is our 6 year wedding anniversary and no lie: we've been planning what we're going to do for weeks, y'all. Last year wasn't a great year for us, and we honestly didn't do anything to celebrate our 5th anniversary. Sometimes that's OK to not do anything (The Florkens did it this year!) But honestly, after kids I totally think it's important to make time for each other. We still haven't nailed down all of our plans for this year, but we know it'll involve dinner, maybe a movie, definitely an overnight hotel stay.



Oct 2013 Family photo

Why is it so important to take time for each other? Well, you get lost in the daily activities. It's so easy to get lost! Hell, as a mom / wife / sister / aunt / friend / granddaugter, I don't even take time for myself! I have to make sure to keep my marriage going!! For me it's important because I take my vows seriously. Sure, I wish we had been creative enough to write our own vows like Cassie did here, but we said vows and that means something. I want to be able to teach my kids that the divorce rate in the US doesn't have to be the norm. I want marriages to work to be the norm.

In my opinion, it doesn't even have to be the big plans that you schedule for to keep your marriage strong though. Josh will still send me random text messages throughout the day with a simple "I Love You." No matter what I'm doing in the day, it always makes me smile. It's special to me to know that even in his busy day, he's thinking about me. I do the same with him. His job is hard, and annoying, and I know he enjoys hearing from me even via text.

We also kiss each other every night before we go to bed. Even if we've argued about something or I might be pissed because he didn't feed the cat that night and I had to do it, we still take a moment. We always lay down, give each other a kiss; What I call a "real kiss" because I always want it to be a deep, meaningful kiss... not just a quick peck on the lips. After that we tell each other "I Love You", snuggle up, and go to sleep (sometimes not as quickly as Josh would like though). For us to keep our marriage alive is really very simple: Yes, it take a lot of planning for alone time but it's the little things that are most important to us.

Oct 2013 Family Photo

My wednesday wish (linking up with Anne from Love the Here and Now) is simple this week: I want to wish my husband a happy anniversary tomorrow. I love him to the moon and back, and even though we argue and disagree there's a lot of love. He's my special person and I wish for many more years together.

What do y'all do to keep your marriage going after kids?