Monday, March 28, 2016

Q & A

So, as many of y'all saw earlier this week, yes I am back. and I'm trying to write a little more regularly. I have a lot on my mind and trying to figure out where to start has been a bit difficult. While the divorce is completely finalized, and I'm beyond thrilled about it, I'm still getting lots of questions. I figured the best place to start (aside from letting y'all know that I'm here) is to answer a few questions I keep getting.

How are you? 
Honestly, this answer changes daily. Mostly I'm good. Like I said, I'm excited that the divorce is final. I can finally move on and start a happier life for the kids and myself. However, there's definitely days where it's hard. (I just have a lot of feelings, okay?) I'm going through a lot of emotions about the fact that I'm about to be on my own for the first time, EVER. I went from living with my mom, to living with Josh, to living with my grandparents. Hi, I'm 28 and never lived alone. On top of emotions about not having primary physical custody of my children. Which leads me into the next question...

Why don't you have the kids?
This is super hard for me. As a mother, it breaks my heart daily that I don't have them with me. I give myself a hard time a lot about being a bad mother. Honestly though, I don't know a single mother out there that doesn't give herself a hard time. But for a JUDGE to tell you "you don't get primary physical custody of YOUR children"... that is basically the equivalent of having your heart ripped out, crushed, and then set on fire.
Long story short, the judge in our case decided that due to my lack of "my own place" and the fact that I've only been at my job since January, I was "unstable". Additionally, I was the one causing Josh's bi polar breaks. With all of that combined (I was not Captain Planet), he got primary custody. And I get every other weekend. Yeah, it sucks. I can refile for custody in a few weeks and I plan to. Until then, I have to trudge on and just make the time I have with them the best possible.

How are the kids?
With all things considered, they are wonderful! Zander is thriving in school and getting nothing but good progress reports. Ainsley is really blooming with her speech. They both had birthdays recently. I officially have a three year old and a six year old. There have been a few bumps in the road. Like Ainsley asking me one weekend, "Mommy why you no love us anymore?"... yeah, that one hurt. But after a lot of hugs and kisses and a long talk, that's past us. Overall though, the kids are amazing and that's all anyone needs to know

I'm sure there was more, but I really can't think of it. The struggle of not planning my posts. Sorry, y'all...

Was there anything that y'all wanted to know? Please ask me. I'm not shy, and I'd rather y'all ask than assume anything. Even if it's "why did you move to your grandparents'?"
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Sunday, March 20, 2016

A New Beginning

Ok. So. Wow. I kind of wish someone could get a picture of me right now. I'm literally sitting on the bed at my grandparents' house in the basement. With my fingers hovering over the keyboard. I have no idea where to start, y'all.

Um so. I guess, I'm back. Or I'm trying to be. I have no idea if I still have any loyal readers anymore or not, but I kind of don't care. I really don't know what my blog will be focused on anymore, but I just know I want to get back into it. Thanks to Amanda for sending me her old friend, Mabel (hi, my macbook has a name!) so I have a laptop once again.

A quick update... My divorce is final. As of this past Monday, March 14. There's still some things I would like to get worked out, and some things I really don't agree with. Like him having primary physical custody of the kids. I hate it.
For now, just know I'm okay. I will be moving soon. I will update with that new adventure.

Since my last blog post, I have started a new job. I've been at this job since January of this year. I absolutely love it here. The people I work with are amazing. Just no blogging at work. ;)

I guess this post really has no point. My mind is still all over the place. Just know, for now, that things are OK. I'm still working through some things, and I'm really sorry for falling off of the face of the earth. I'm a bad Llama.

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