Friday, July 29, 2016

Starting Over After Divorce

It's no secret, any sort of life altering change can leave a person feeling completely turned around. Lost even. Unsure how to start over. Unsure where to go next.

Let me be the first to tell you, starting over is sometimes the greatest thing ever.

It's no secret that my "do-over" has been a result of divorce. I celebrate that the divorce actually happened. I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, but I'm finally getting back into my groove. Or trying to at least. It's taken a lot of figuring out, and this may not work for everyone... but then again, hopefully not everyone is getting divorced this year.

Find out who you are.
Whoa. Did I ever need this one. This is the first time ever, in my whole life that I have lived alone. I've always had either my parents, my ex, or roommates. Now it's just me. I've had to really think about if the shows I used to watch with my ex were really my favorite shows. Do I really like to listen to a certain type of music, or was it just because I couldn't have my own opinion? For me, I learned I really do love to knit. There were shows and movies I had never seen before that I have fallen in love with.

I've found a new love for the library. Did you know you can check out entire seasons of shows at the library and binge for a whole week on things you haven't seen before? Yeah! I'm finally starting to adjust to living alone. (And no, there are no cats involved.) Yet.

Find out who your friends are. 
This may be in the form of a nice bottle of moscatto... whatever, no judgment here... But seriously though,
This may seem a little silly, but for me it really hit hard. Some of the people you had as mutual friends in the marriage turn out to not really be your friends. You need people who will raise you up, and, like in my case want to send hate mail to your ex. Do not be afraid to talk about how you're feeling with your friends.

I can't tell you how many times I texted Amanda and my boyfriend how insecure I have felt about everything. (Am I the common denominator about everything bad happening?) Turns out, no, I'm not... my ex is just toxic and that kind of thinking is a result of a toxic relationship. (Have some more wine). Talking about anything with your friends throughout the day can make you feel more normal than you realize. I'm thankful that my little circle has kept me so grounded. (To my blogging tribe, I'm so sorry I have been so distant.)

Real friends will be the ones to encourage you to get back into your old routines that they knew you were a constant in your life no matter the situation. Cooking for yourself, working out, etc.


Old Routines may take time. 
Once I moved into my own place, I didn't want to cook for a long time. I would rely on leftovers from when I would cook or I would just eat out. Don't feel like you really need to rush anything. I haven't worked out in MONTHS. I just now got back into it, and it took me not being able to fit into my bridesmaid dress (for my sister's wedding in Oct) that I have to get back into it. I tried a few times but my heart wasn't in it. I just wanted to sit and watch TV. (Hi, not a great idea when you're eating out and not cooking every night)

Don't beat yourself up about not getting back into old routines immediately though. This goes back to figuring out who you are. I cried about cooking for myself some nights because it was just ME. I cried about not having anyone to serve a dinner for. My solution? I invite friends over. I cook for friends. Mostly my Marcus, but a friend is better than just alone.

Just Don't beat yourself up. (Period). 
This may be the silliest advice, but I swear it really is the truth. This is the new reality. You have your own place (saying to myself). All beating yourself up does is make you feel worse about everything. It brings you down. Find something positive about the day and grasp onto it. I promise, it helps. It may be hard to find in the first few months, but it does help! Smile, it helps.

Keep moving forward. 
This isn't the end of the world. A new chapter, a change, a new life event. It's not the end of everything. It's a chance to grow and adapt and change. Drink that bottle of wine. Sing karaoke. Dance in the rain with your kids. Do what makes you happy, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for it.

Oh... and get you an amazing boyfriend that will randomly send you a "cheer up" package that includes your favorite things... including amazing prints such as this.

I kind of love the face that he knew nothing about blogging before having me in his life and now, I'm officially his llama.

What major life change have you bounced back from? How did you adapt? What advice would you share?

Check out This Month's Daddy Llama