Mamas Tell All: A Weekly Linkup
After Zander was born, I was having lunch with another new mom. She was talking about her child sleeping several hours at a time at night. Zander was not. I immediately felt the twinge of jealousy: "Ugh. Why isn't my son sleeping like that? They're practically the same age!" Instead of just saying how awesome that was and moving on, I couldn't let it go. I had to one-up her child sleeping. (I'm definitely not proud of this, y'all). "Zander is very close to rolling over." I bragged. Deep down, I knew I said it just to make her feel jealous.
It's stupid, y'all.
I saw this on facebook yesterday, and I kind of thought it was perfect to go with this post today:
So why do we do it? Why do we feel the need to feel like we're less of a mom just because someone else's kid can hit a baseball and mine can't? What do we do to end the cycle?
I can tell you what I've been doing. Praise them! The urge to one-up the other mom will probably be there. I feel like that might just be human nature. Fight that urge and praise the other mom for whatever they shared. She got a fancy new job or a promotion? Congradulate her with the utmost sincerity! Be genuine. Don't just say it because it's the right thing to do. Trust me here. Think about the last time you were really happy for someone. When you got a chance to praise them and tell them how happy you were for them. That made you feel pretty amazing, didn't it? It's the same thing. SURE, you may want the new house, new car, whatever. But secretly wishing that was you.... the jealousy... it's not helping anyone.
I kind of feel like to "fight the green-eyed monster" is to really act like a lady. Empower other women. Lift them up. This will catch on, and I can almost promise that as soon as you start lifting up other women, they will in turn lift you up as well.
How do you fight jealousy?
Linkup with us and share!
Next week on Mamas Tell All:
Jealousy is definitely not just for moms! I don't know why we do it, but women especially seem to feel the need to "one up" each other. We all do. We all have our insecurities! But I love what you said... Empower each other! That's the best way to fight anything. Great post!
ReplyDeleteYes! It's everywhere and it's ugly. I'm glad you liked this one! I hope more women start to empower one another and lift each other up!
ReplyDeleteYes yes yes to that quote! Perfect!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a parent but I think this is great that you posted this. My sister is always telling me the things her mom friends say and I feel like its is constant contest.
ReplyDeleteSadly it took me having number two being over 2 years old before I realized that. But yes. It's a horrible contest. I hope as time goes on women start empowering each other more and stop competing.
ReplyDeleteI thought so!! A friend shared it last night and I thought "prefect!!"
ReplyDeleteI think this is so great that you openly admit to caving and saying something you shouldn't have, because we all do that now and again, and may as well admit it. Your advice is perfect though - I'm all about trying to lift up rather than tear down. It is easier said than done, but so important to keep trying for!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that! The best things to do in life aren't always the easiest. Lifting others up always makes you feel so much better though!! Thanks for the kind words, friend!
ReplyDeleteI love this Melissa! Yes, jealousy is a dangerous road to head down, but it's so easy to do as moms! My "jealousy" issue since having Jude has been my body. Ugh...it needs work! And I find myself comparing my body to other ladies who've just had babies. It's hard not to do. But I love what you said about "lifting them up!!" Definitely going to work on that.
ReplyDeleteJealousy is an ugly thing. I will never understand why moms will do anything to compare their child to yours or even degrade you as a parent. Still bothers me that moms out there do that.
ReplyDeleteYeah girl! I think when we choose to have a genuine interest in someone's story, it helps with any jealousy that may have been there. Every person's story is going to be different.. I agree with you- why not celebrate, embrace, and encourage that?! XO!
ReplyDeleteI KNEW you'd agree with this! This is why I love the blogging community. It's so full of women lifting each other up and helping. The world needs more bloggers! HAHA. Thanks for the love, lady!
ReplyDeleteagreed! it's really ugly. I'm ashamed to have been "that" woman... but it's like you said the other day... people change. ;)
ReplyDeletethanks sooo much, friend! It really is easy, but what I've found is the more you encourage and lift up, the easier it is to be a better person! I love your soul, friend! You're an amazing mama and you're GORGEOUS. I'm impressed with all of your decisions and parenting skills. you rock, and don't forget that!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE when I meet polite children who use their manners! I always make it a point to praise the parents for how polite they are. :)
ReplyDeleteI saw this title on your twitter feed and I was so curious what was the green eyed monster. It all makes so much sense. I praise you for offering grace and encouragement to other moms.
ReplyDeleteXoxox
Gema from belovedgems.org
Me too amber! It's a true reflection on amazing parenting!!
ReplyDeleteLol it wasn't easy to write about but I'm glasd you liked it!!
ReplyDeleteI hate it when jealously rears it's ugly head, then I try to focus on the positive to get my mind back in order.
ReplyDeleteThat quote is just soooooo spot on. Perfect
ReplyDeleteYayyyy I love this!!! Ooooh I've totally been there.
ReplyDeleteI think as I get older though I'm able to see through the picture perfect family fb posts and I love our dysfunctional crazy dirty life. It's more interesting and fun than picture perfect. So I think I've mellowed the green monster out Hahahah
Totally been distracted and unable to mama link up!! Eeekkkk gotta get back to it :)))great post momma
I think this is a great topic and perfect reminder for all of us mommies. It can be hard to fight sometimes.
ReplyDeleteTif
www.brightonabudget.com
I'll have to keep this in mind in the future.
ReplyDeletei am so glad you talk about lifting each other up and empowering one another! i'm all about that too, even though i'm not a mom. how much stronger will we be as women if we focus on that instead of comparing and trying to one-up (i'm obviously still working on this too!)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rowan! :) I'm glad you liked it. I saw and it and knew it had to be apart of the post. it was almost inspiration for my writing this week cause I had NO clue how to start. haha
ReplyDeleteYES positivity is the key!
ReplyDeleteYES our life is messy, crazy, and wild and I wouldn't have it any other way. It has taken some time and many years for me, but I'm finally in a happy place where I can keep the monster at bay. :) We'd love to have you join the next two weeks if you could!!
ReplyDeletesoo hard sometimes. glad you liked the topic though. :) thanks for stopping by
ReplyDeleteKeep it in mind now! This isn't just for mommies! lift up and encourage everyone! :)
ReplyDeletethanks so much friend. I kind of had a feeling you'd love this. lol. it's a definite work in progress for I think a lot of women. but the fact that you're working toward it is amazing! you are truly an inspiration to me!
ReplyDeleteabsolutely!! I can totally see that being a thing with pet parents. Pets are kids too after all!
ReplyDeleteyessssssssssss to lifting eachother up! I try to channel my jealousy into excitement for that other person. obviously I don't have any babies, but you know... haha
ReplyDeleteBahaha I do know!! You don't need babies to lift up other women though!! I love your excitement!!
ReplyDeleteI love this advice. A lot of the time when I feel jealous I try to just push it down or aside. Thank you for the active advice - "Empower other women. Lift them up."
ReplyDeleteYou are so awesome! Thank you so much for sharing - it's 100% true that we are all plagued by jealousy at times. Changing your response to that jealousy seems like the perfect way to make sure you handle it in a healthy manner.
ReplyDeletethanks so much! :) I'm glad to help any way I can!
ReplyDeletethanks so much, friend! :) it was something I was thinking about before I even wrote it... just not sure how to get it into words. glad it kind of came out OK lol
ReplyDeleteThis is a great reminder even if you're not a mom...jealousy is real and we should celebrate one another instead!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that!! A great reminder for everyone no matter what!! Xoxo
ReplyDelete