Wednesday, April 8, 2015

To Spank or Not To Spank?

Being a mom is seriously a hard job, y'all. You have a million jobs rolled into one. You're the teacher, the boo-boo kisser, the tea party hostess, knight in shining armor, and hero. But sometimes you have to take on the roll no mom likes. The disciplinarian. I've said it before there's no rules or guidelines about parenting. So how do you know what's the right punishment for your child?

Week Two || Mamas Tell All 

Discipline and punishments are seriously a touchy subject all around. It's really a matter of preference and what works best for your family. I'm glad this was one of the topics for our linkup because I'm very curious what moms with older kids will have to say!

I think it's important to keep in mind, if you have more than one kid, that one form of punishment might not be as effective for all kids. This especially holds true for us. Additionally, What works for you and your family will probably not work for us.

When Zander was born five years ago, my husband and I, like most new parents were clueless about how we would raise Zander. Sure we had a few basic ideas and we knew we didn't want him (or any future kids) to be spoiled brats. I'll be honest though... our only experience in seeing a parent discipline their child was watching my brother in law spank his son (who is two years older than Zander). Is that how we wanted to punish Zander when he got older? We thought that's just how it was done.

Wrong. SO very wrong!

Yes. We tried the spanking method. I do admit it. Am I proud of it? NO. I'm not. I get knots in my stomach thinking about it to be honest. Sure, it may work for my brother in law and his boy, but it's not something that goes over well with either of my kids! Let me tell you something about my kids. They're sensitive souls. They're full of heart. They're emotional. When they get spanked or even threatened to get spanked, fear washes over their faces and it's a look that would break anyone's heart.

So what do we do? Well, without going into too much detail, the picture above is an accurate example. Time outs and explanations. If either of the kids does something they know they're not supposed to do (like snatching a toy away from someone without asking first) they get sent to the timeout corner. They have to sit quietly for however many minutes myself or Daddy deems appropriate. The longer they ask when they can get up, the longer they sit. Once time is up, they then have to come and sit quietly with me or Daddy so we can explain why they got sent to time out.

The explanation method has really worked with Zander because he's a "why" kid. He's a learner and wants reasons for everything. If he doesn't understand exactly why he got punished, he's just going to do it again. This was something we learned over the last 3 years. Trial and error, y'all.... trial and error.

Ainsley is still young. We send her to time out as well, but mostly she comes out on her own. We do explain what she's done isn't right. Both kids do apologize for what they've done wrong. Zander has gotten really good about apologies. When he interrupts adults talking & I have him say sorry he says, "I'm sorry for interrupting you while you were talking." My kids are awesome, y'all!

What discipline methods work for you and your family? Please link up and share your thoughts! We'd love to see what y'all have to say!

And in case you missed it, here's the upcoming topics for the Mamas Tell All Linkup!
April 15: Kids Say the Darndest Things – the crazy things that come out of our kids’ mouths
April 22: Saying Goodbye to Diapers – tips and tricks or just stories about the potty-training process
April 29: The Man Behind the Mama – talking about husbands, boyfriends, etc. 
May 6: Fighting the Green-Eyed Monster - talking about how all mamas sometimes get jealous of others 
May 13: Dating my Daughter/Son – spending special time on “dates” with our kids 
May 20: Last Year We Bought a Zoo (or Not) – a discussion on pets in the family - do you have any? why or why not?
Be sure to grab the button and link up with us! 
The Rambling Llama
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  1. This is almost exactly what we do too. Time outs and explanations. It seems to work well with a lot of kids! You're doing awesome! :)

  2. yep! zander is such an incredibly sensitive soul and I worry that spanking would really damage him.

  3. I think time outs work wonders. My newest brother in law spanked his son in front of a whole bunch of people at a soccer game. There was no exposed bum or anything, but's in public and it wasn't really necessary. He has a really short leash on his son (this is Jeremy's sisters husband). I was spanked as a kid, but that was so long ago. How times have changed!

  4. Love that you are starting these conversations. I think they are so important. You know what? I have three little ones, and they are all SOOOOO different. You can just give Miss Observant a stern look, and she will burst into tears. Monkey, oh Monkey...beyond willful. She has to learn through a more powerful lesson. And Baby Nugget? She doesn't take life all too seriously yet...that's what we are working on with her:) Even more...on any given day, circumstances can affect the way a child is acting, and they way you would normally handle things changes completely. Thanks for getting us all thinking on this!! xo (Sorry for not linking up this week...had some posts ready from break, but hope to be there next week!)

  5. yeah pops on the hand tend to work better with Ainsley than zander but they both hate time outs. even the threat of it will get them back in line usually. my kids are wild at home but the second we leave the house they are angels. so something is sticking with them lol

  6. no need to apologize!! I understand completely!! but yes!! you're so right. the threat of being in trouble gets zander in line but Ainsley is a little more defiant. lol. proof there can never be a manual lol

  7. I don't have children, so can't have much of a point of view. I do recognize that this is difficult to decide how to proceed and even more difficult to discuss. Kudos to you, and keep doing what works!

  8. My dad always spanked me growing up and it was a huge debate between him and my mom. I sadly, was so used to it that when I got in trouble I was ready for the pain that was about to come. I respect you sharing your point of view and what you are doing as a parent. People do what's right for them, but I personally don't believe in it and I'm glad Chuck doesn't either. He spanked Ethan ONCE in the past 11 years and afterwards he was so torn up about it and realized it didn't teach Ethan anything.

  9. Melissa thank you so much for sharing your awesome insight. Something you said that really resonated with me is that discipline isn't the same for children in the same family. Honestly, I've never thought of that but it seems so obvious when you say it - something I need to consider when we introduce baby #2 in August.

  10. it's still tough for me to remember or even comprehend most days! It's like "they're BOTH mine! whyy are they so different?!" but its such a huge combination of both parents & one in school, one home with me all the time. one's a boy, one's a girl. it's mind blowing. Zander is the kind hearted soul that will do better with a stern look & a threat. With Ainsley I have to follow through with the threat! Ugh. Parenting is NOT easy! but yeah... luckily you have plenty of resources in our little group to turn to for help!!

  11. I love the idea of the children explaining why they were in time out, it shows that they are aware of their bad behavior. And speaking quietly, even better :) Great job mama!

  12. Yeah, Josh tended to be the one more "pro spanking" than me. I let him have his way a few times and lucky for me he quickly realized how damaging it was for Zander. SURE, there are definitely times when both kids do something that deserve a pop on the hand or something more severe than just a time out... we won't let them get away with murder by any means. but yeah... it's difficult and such a learning process.

  13. thanks dear!!! It's tough and a learning process but luckily my husband and I are on the same page and that;s important!

  14. thank you!! That was something I learned from my dad actually. If Zander can't tell me what he did wrong, then he has to sit a few minutes longer to think about it. Also... If we're out in public and the kids do something wrong, it's more terrifying for them to have me come on their level and whisper sternly in their ear than it is for me to yell and scream. PLUS then we don't make a scene!

  15. Your kids really are awesome but that is because they have awesome parents, duh!

  16. daaawww I freaking love you!!! :) XOXO

  17. :) I love that your babies have sensitive souls... that's how I was when I was young (still am, obviously) and my parents never ever spanked me... time outs and things being confiscated for awhile worked for me, or so I've heard! ;)