It wasn't until I was talking to Josh about all this that I really started to get offended. I'm "tricky". When he said it I didn't think anything of it. I was trying to get back to work. I still don't think he meant anything by it, but it bugs me. He has been judging me for over three months because of the way I dress.
I know, I know! This happens every single day. Women (and men) get judged because of how they dress and how they talk. Mind you, I don't dress like a slut at work. I also don't dress like a nun. I dress like me. I dress how I'm comfortable, but apparently it's not what a "nerd" is "supposed" to look like.Y'all, I'm almost 27 years old. I guess I'm extremely naive, but I thought the stereotypes were supposed to stay in high school. I see cases like this almost all the time, but it's never really bothered me... or maybe it's just never really hit me... until I was the one being stereotyped.
Of course I'm the one with the big mouth, too. When it had finally hit me that that's what had happened, even if the lab tech didn't mean it like that, I had to say something. I'm of the mind-set that if you know something wrong is happening then you need to say something about it.
I didn't approach my co worker in a confrontational manner. I was calm and I explained to him that I was a little hurt that he had said what he did. I explained that I felt like he had stereotyped me. He apologized and all is right with the world, but it also got me thinking... how many women don't say anything? And why not? Why wouldn't you say anything?
I'm not really sure where this post is going. Maybe it could be a wish. A wish that other women would have the faith and courage to stand up for what they believe in and what they feel is right. Maybe it could be I'm grateful that I was able to stand up for myself and express my feelings. Maybe I just wanted to share my story. I don't know. It happened. I've made sure everyone (that matters) in the office know my feelings. Maybe I'll still get judged silently. Maybe not. Who knows.
I guess in a way, I am grateful for all of this. I'm also trying to be grateful about losing this job. Strange, I know, but go with it, ok? Isn't the point of having a Grateful Heart finding the good in the little things? :)
Have you ever been stereotyped publicly to where you knew about it? What did you do? How did you handle it? I guess I'm hoping one day this sort of thing won't be so common. I would hate for either of my kids to think they have to act or dress a certain way to be taken seriously. Yes I'm a nerd. Yes, I love science. But I also love fashion. Can't I be both and still be taken seriously?
Ugh, why do people say this kind of stuff? I happen to be a blonde "girly girl" who works in the technology field. I'm a tech writer, but all the programmers think I'm an idiot! Stereotypes definitely still exist.
ReplyDeleteExactly! The stereotypes are so dumb. Just because we love makeup and pretty clothes doesn't mean we don't love science too!!
ReplyDeleteYea sometimes working with men you sometimes get that. I did when I worked with the army a lot.
ReplyDeleteThis is something I try really hard for my girls not to learn. I read an article once saying that you should compliment little girls with "you are so smart" or "you are a great reader" instead of "you are so pretty" or "you are so funny". It got me thinking... that this kind of thing is learned way before we ever realize it. It's interesting to think about!
ReplyDeleteoh jeeze. I used to get that all the time. People underestimate my abilities simply because I am a woman and I like to dress nicely (most of the time... cause yoga pants are so freaking comfy). I also get judged because I am a married woman and I don't want children. All the Judgy McJudgersons out there really need to give it a rest. You don't know everything about a person by just looking at them, and it you think you do, you never will.
ReplyDeleteOh! Those are such great compliments! I am so glad that you are telling your girls those things rather than just "you are so pretty/cute/funny". It will help them learn to compliment others in the same way when they're older.
ReplyDeletewell... i don't love science, but just because I say "totally", love using snapchat, and my fav color is purple doesn't mean I have a poor vocabulary. (we had a vocabulary challenge in speech class last night)
ReplyDeleteLOVE those compliments! And you're right... stuff like that we don't think about but everyone does it all the time. I already make it a point to not "bash" my body in front of either of the kids so they don't learn those bad habits from me. So much to think about as a parent.
ReplyDeleteyeah. it's rough! I'm surprised army guys would be like that though. you'd think they'd be more respectful. shocking!
ReplyDeleteexactly! it's so rough as women. judgers out there everywhere no matter what. ugh. you're absolutely right... they just need to give it a rest and get to know a person first
ReplyDeleteI've found myself stereotyping others sometimes and I try to nip it in the bud so I can get to know someone on the inside, not the outside! I love what @Meagan said about telling her girls that they are smart and a great reader--such great tips!
ReplyDeleteoh I get all sorts of sass because guys never expect me to know what's going on in sports, then when they get accustomed to that, they don't expect me to show up somewhere in a dress and heels. I'm a constant challenge for anyone really. the one that bothers me the most though, is when people say that I only work in sports to marry a player or sleep with the entire roster or something equally offensive. I think you can be all the things + still taken seriously, just be you girlfriend!
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister! I love that you don't take any sass from the sports guys and put them in their place. Just because you want to look cute at the ball game, doesn't mean you don't know ALL of the stats and what's going on! We're complicated creatures. Luckily, my husband gets me and goes with the flow.
ReplyDeleteI loved it too, Sarah! She's so smart, that Meagan! It's definitely hard to do, especially when a lot of us were brought up in an environment of judging and stereotyping. At least you catch yourself. I do the same <3
ReplyDeleteOh girl...my husband is one of the biggest nerds out there, but he dresses super cool. I'm sure he gets stereotyped...and I know you wrote this post with women in mind. As long as you;re confident in your own skin, no need to feel offended. He probably meant it as a compliment...guys like it when girls are girly and do boy stuff at the same time! :) Way to throw him off...I'm sure you gave him a newfound appreciation for the female gender! :)
ReplyDeleteSee? This is why I love you! I DID write it with women in mind, but you bring up an amazing point that men get stereotyped too!! Great point my dear! :) I agree though... confidence is key. Thank you!!
ReplyDeletehaha...after I pushed send, I was like Oh I hope I didn't cross the line...pregnancy makes me more honest than I normally am!! :) Glad you could see my heart in it! :)
ReplyDeleteWait, why can't girly girls be nerds? WHY?
ReplyDeleteRIGHT?! This needs to be changed immediately!
ReplyDeleteI constantly feel judged, preach girl preach!! I dress cute and do my hair and makeup, so people assume I can't possibly work at a library and enjoy reading as much as I do!! People also judge my husband all the time because, well he's a hottie let's just say it, and for whatever reason OTHER men are really rude to him. Like right in front of my face I have seen men get almost catty over something he's said or done. It's like they want to put him in his place or something... so weird.
ReplyDeleteIt's like some kind of primal competition for females.
ReplyDeleteI think stereotyping is part of categorizing, which our brains do naturally as a shortcut in information gathering. For instance, we learn to recognize dangerous situations based on our experience - categorizing is self preservation in this case. Our brains tell us, "I've seen something like this before, and the outcome was not good. Avoid!" The problem with categorizing people is that it's usually inaccurate because people are unpredictable! We may trust someone who isn't trustworthy simply because they remind us of our parent/grandparent/someone we have trusted our whole lives. Or we may judge someone negatively because they remind us of someone who mistreated us. I don't think we ever get away from being stereotyped, but we can try not to do it ourselves. It's good that you confronted him because now maybe he'll think about how he sees people.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I think this is all too common, and definitely unnecessary. My thing is too- why, if you're a girly girl, are you automatically assumed to be dumb or ditzy? That term has been taken to such a negative place, which is too bad. I'm glad you said something to him, Melissa. And that's just it and exactly what you are saying in this post- it DOESN'T have to be a full on, drag-down fight to stand up for yourself or bring attention to something that maybe people don't even realize they're doing!
ReplyDeletethanks so much for the encouragement! :) love you!
ReplyDeletethanks so much for the kind words and encouragement. you've really hit the nail on the head with all of your points. I hope I was able to change his outlook.
ReplyDeleteI wish Sterotypes stayed in high school! But alas, they do not. i love that you're not typical. that's what makes you, you. and human. everyone is so different. I love that you confronted your coworker because now they know for the future.
ReplyDeleteThe only stereotype that I've been put in (that I can think of right now) is that since I was born in the US I couldn't speak/write/read in Spanish fluently. In high school I took the AP Spanish test without taking the classes and the counselor basically told me that I wouldn't pass. I passed, with the highest score possible. Unfortunately she left the school and wasn't able to show her. But I still remember 11+ years later.
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