Monday, February 16, 2015

Grateful that I Put the Phone Down

Y'all, it's no secret: we live in a world full of technology. If I'm not mistaken it's gotten to the point where some elementary schools are encouraging (dare I say enforcing) children under the age of 12 to use tablets on a regular basis. Crazy, right? (That's a whole different blog post for a totally different day!). 
Today, I'm grateful & I'm linking up with Emily
Grateful Heart w/ Ember Grey
OK, yes... I may be talking in circles right now. (Didn't I just complain about technology being everywhere?) Yes, yes I did. However, I'm grateful for my family's ability to put down said technology and communicate like normal people. 
For Valentine's Day, my family went to dinner with the neighbor and his kids. (You can read some of those conversations here). We have a rule in our family: "no technology at dinner". The rule didn't use to exist. When Josh and I first started dating (2006) sure we had cell phones but they were so basic. Pretty much all we could do was text. At that time the only people we really wanted to text were each other, save a few close friends, and on dates we wouldn't answer texts from other people. It really wasn't an issue. We wanted to spend time with each other. If either of us got a notification, we simply ignored it. Imagine that! 

I'm not exactly sure when things changed. They did change though. Josh and I both were guilty of it. We both would check facebook, or twitter, or instagram - while on a date - and we wouldn't know anything that was really going on in each others' lives! 
How incredibly sad is that? I'm almost embarrassed to admit it. I would even do it while out with friends. (Sorry!)

I can tell you when things stopped. When we put the phones down. It was in the middle of 2014. (ouch) That wasn't too long ago. I've never been shy to admit that Josh and I went to couples therapy for awhile. 2014 was no different. After many sessions, the therapist realized (after we admitted to it) that we weren't really paying attention to each other. Sure, we'd take date nights, but we weren't really being with each other. It was us and the rest of the world. All sharing the same chicken alfredo at Olive Garden. 

Guess what, y'all? Ever since we made the agreement to not check anything while we're out, it's changed for the better in a huge way. I'm so grateful. Beyond grateful. I challenge each of my readers to try it (if you don't already... if you do, GREAT!). Try keeping your phones in your purses, pockets, diaper bag, whatever. If you have a sitter, set a special ring tone for them. Tell your sitter to call if it's a real emergency (don't text, cause if your phone is like mine, all of the text notifications stay the same). This way, you will only pick up the phone knowing it's a true emergency for the kids! 

I only started thinking about how grateful I am for focusing my attention on anything but the phone because of the funny conversations we had at dinner this past weekend. While we were laughing, joking, poking fun at each other everyone around us had their noses buried in their phones. Don't believe me? Take a look around next time you go out! I dare you! 

What are you grateful for today? Link up with Emily! Be sure to read some of the other posts while you're there. I can tell you from experience that reading them will make your week brighter! 
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31 comments :

  1. this is good. I'm sure a lot of us are guilty of this same thing. Steve and I try to not check our phones when we're out, too. Sometimes I make exceptions for him though...running your own business means you gotta take certain calls at weird times. BUT...it's true, the convos are definitely more sincere and heartfelt when Twitter isn't involved! :)

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  2. yeah it was amazing how long we let it continue. I totally get checking it if you really need to. the important thing is y'all focus on each other! I love that we've reconnected really! thanks for your sweet words

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  3. I try really hard to make the effort to not check my phone when I am out with people. I'll glance at it but I really try not to be so into it that I don't spend time with the person I'm with. I'm not always great at it, but I try.

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  4. I tend to use my phone only when I'm waiting for someone, and then when they arrive, they are my priority. I am so glad that this rule has helped you so much!

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  5. Thanks for sharing, Melissa! I absolutely agree, and I'm so glad you have found this rule helpful! I always try to put the phone away when I'm with someone, and only pull out when I know I'm waiting on something! It's such a hard distraction, but people should be a priority. I find it sad when I go to a restaurant and families are at dinner and everyone is on their own device. My favorite memories with my family were around the dinner table! We always had the most interesting conversations!

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  6. I admit I'm not always great at it either. Heck, when I came home from my appointment this morning and the neighbor was filling me in about the kids, I was guilty of looking to see what emails came through while I was gone. OOPS. It's hard!

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  7. Thanks. Yes, I'm glad for it too. It's really made a difference in our relationship

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  8. We really have found it helpful! I love seeing what the kids really have to say, and getting to know my hubby even better! I agree with you that people should be a priority. :) I really wrote this post for myself just to express how I felt, but it looks like everyone loves it as much as I do! LOL.

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  9. I really need to start this. I did however dis-connect myself from the internet after three. I keep my computer on all day and visit it every other hour and I am on it forever. I need to blog in the morning and have the rest of my day to do things I need to do. I felt like when I spent my day on the computer it became a little depressing! I need to dis-connect from my phone. But I keep coming up with excuses to not put my phone away! Thanks for sharing! www.thisisreallife.co

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  10. YES. I really like this post, Melissa. Christian and I were the same way and decided, no technology at the dinner table and it's made such a difference. We also used to have a rule of no technology in bed after 10p but realized one of our favorite things to do together to unwind is watch marathons of Big Bang and Modern Family, so that still stands ;) One of these days though I think it would be good to bring it back.

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  11. Hubs and I do this, and we are about to start taking a WHOLE DAY each week to disconnect with the world and re-connect with each other.

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  12. this is SO great! i really like this and i appreciate you being real that you've struggled with this because i have too. also...high five for couples therapy--that's good stuff right there! happy to hear this has made a significant difference for you both!

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  13. yes this is SO good! we've started doing this too and even telling our family members we won't be calling or texting them that day either so not to freak out. this is mainly for my MIL who assumes we are dad if she doesn't hear from us every day-ha!

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  14. exactly! I have a tendency to leave my phone on silent, but then when I'm with people I really want to spend time with, I also have a tendency to put it in my purse + forget about it for hours (sometimes days..) at a time. It's really refreshing.

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  15. It's been really great for us. I definitely suggest couples to try it! I tend to look at my computer less after hubby gets home, but I am guilty of checking emails and replying to tweets when he starts doing his own thing - like watching a show I'm not interested in. lol.

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  16. So happy everyone has loved it. :) I'm also so happy to hear that it's benefiting other couples! Josh and I tend to relax and catch up on all things TV after 8 once the kids are in bed. Before that it's all about family time. We both help with bed time and bath time for the kids. Reading books and all that jazz. once they're tucked in, it's all about us. We don't check phones or anything once we're in bed. :) We don't have a TV in our room, so that helps!

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  17. That's a great idea! I think it's really important to re-focus on what's important, and it's definitely not the technology!! LOL

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  18. Thanks SO much sweetie! Honestly, if this was me a year ago and I had this blog, I would not have admitted to having issues in our relationship - much less needing therapy! But I realize now, it's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I'm pleased that we were grown up enough to realize we needed help and started seeing the therapist. It helped SO SO much!! It's really not as bad or scary as people make it out to be. And it definitely didn't mean that either of us cheated on the other. We just recognized we had weaknesses. Goodness, that could be a whole other post! HAHA!

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  19. lol you're a pro already! xoxo. hahaha well done!

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  20. This is great... and I don't do it. I should... but I'm so attached to my phone. I notice that it's become more and more lately. I'm going to try to detach myself!

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  21. It's really very hard to put it down. Especially if you go the entire day connected to technology and not around your significant other. You have to actively remind yourself to focus all your energy on them instead of the phone. it's hard but you can do it!

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  22. I wrote a post similar to this in December after going to a concert and seeing everyone video tapping rather than watching the concert. When we begin to focus upon what is going on around us, we truly see what we've been missing!

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  23. YES! I remember that post. :) I'm loving being able to focus on the world around me again. Or at least beginning to again. lol. :)

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  24. Yes! I always try to snap a few pictures right at the start of a concert, then put it away to really enjoy the moment! Because even before all the smart phones, I realized that I was spending way too much time with my digital camera and not being present!

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  25. love this and totally agree! it's so important to just enjoy the moment sometimes :)

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  26. Good for you, sweet friend!! I had to put everything down this weekend and for the past few days, to just "be" with my family...sick little Baby Nugget, and to just absorb the time with family. Once I get home, my phone is put away, and I don't pay much attention to it, unless it buzzes...but I use the computer more frequently. Totally agree!! xo

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  27. This is so perfect. I love love love my phone. I love the ease of technology but I love spending time with people. It is not hard for me to put my phone away while out with friends, others not so much and it really bugs me. I guess I notice it because I'm not the one on the phone, but it happens all the time! So, good for you is what I'm saying, a lot of people can't do that.

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  28. it was SO hard. it still is. When I hear a notification go off while we're out, there's moments where I'm itching to check it. But reminding myself that my marriage and kids are more important helps. Good for you for paying attention to your friends more! way to go! it's not easy!

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  29. aw poor little nugget! I hope she's feeling better now. :(
    I'm usually on the computer more, too. especially after Josh gets home from work. During the day I'm on my phone replying to texts and emails etc when the kids aren't begging for attention. (RARE!) hahaha. :) but yeah... it's great to disconnect!

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  30. YES! all of the concerts I've been to, I have so little pictures or videos because I'd rather enjoy the concert! lol

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